I actually have an interview tomorrow (COBRA only extends for so long, folks). I was smart enough to figure out what to wear tonight, but not smart enough to remember that the last time I had to wear a suit on a somewhat regular basis I was a size 4. I won’t say what size I am now, but it’s not a 4.
Therefore, my options are quite limited. And once I found something that fit (which is quite obviously a 6 year old Ann Taylor number. slick.), I realized that lo and behold, there is not a single pair of appropriate stockings to be found in the underwear drawer abyss. Fishnets? Three pair (they made a business come back in ’06, remember?). Novelty stockings? How about brown with a blue paisley, or perhaps a gray herringbone. But nude tights? Oh no. OK then, what about black stockings. HA! not a trace.
It’s times like this you miss Manhattan, and by Manhattan I mean 3 24 hour Duane Reades within 4 blocks.
It might take a second, but you will slowly realize that what you’re seeing is me glue sticking closed several runs on a pair of old black tights. Because why would I own hairspray?
So if you didn’t get the picture that I was a mess before, hopefully it’s all clear now. Seriously, maybe I do need another job to help me just get it together! Plus, I’m looking forward to the work stress and subsequent cigarettes that combined to make me a size 4 in the first place. (just kidding W. aha. aha.)
OK, glue stick just about dry, time for bed. Need to get the worm tomorrow!
Live from the Home Office 