Author Archives: homeoffice

Pass the Werthers

W has taken to reading his new book all bundled up on the reading chair. I make fun of him for looking like an old lady, and have run with it. Comments just today include:

– how’s “chicken soup for the soul” coming along? Heart warming isn’t it

– i’ll fix you some soup for dinner (at 5 of course)

– can I get you another butterscotch, ma’am

You get it. But then I was like wait, he really is like an old lady! He is:

— obsessive about the neighbors picking up their mail (“do they not see it?? Oh, I’ll just bring it up to them”)

— already worried about the traffic to the upper east side on new years eve

— always thinks he’s sick or that a pimple is worrysome

— sensitive to temperature

— suggested we eat dinner at happy hour at brookvin… Bet 5-7

If he starts calling me dearie I’m out!

UPDATE:  he asked me if I wanted tea and babka as an afternoon snack!

No reason to smile

We had the reoccurring conversation today about height.  You see, W claims to be 5’7″, but I am 5′ 7″ and I am taller than he is.  Claims in today’s discussion included:

  • Perhaps a Mens 5′ 7″ is different than a Womens 5′ 7″… just as a Mens size 10 shoe is bigger than a Womens size 10 shoe
  • He wasn’t breastfed, so suffered a stunted growth. However, I wasn’t breastfed either. In fact, I challenged that most babies born between 1970-1988 were formula fed. I like to think my height is thanks to an obscene amount of milk drunk in the form of Carnation Instant Breakfast
  • Average male height is 5′ 6″…  and he is actually above average.  I then qualified that he cannot count average WORLD height, which includes billions of small Asian people.

We went straight to the laptop to do some research, and W was momentarily pleased with himself when he read that the average US male height was 5’7″…. but then he reread it and that was for US men of Mexican descent.

I informed W that he’s actually TOO TALL to be a jockey and he threw up his hands and yelled, “TOO TALL!”

It’s reported that the average white US male is in fact 5′ 10 1/2″.  When he expressed his shock, I brought up how he always seems to note that, “wow, everyone in this bar is tall,” or “wow, that group of friends is tall.”

However, the average woman is 5’4″.  So if you take the 3 inches I’m OVER the average height, and the 4 inches W is UNDER the average height, we’re almost on par as a unit.   At least we’re tall in personality!

Show off

“Oh, don’t worry, you talked.”
W, in response to me complaining that I don’t think I got to talk to anyone during last night’s Festivus party

Party highlights to follow.

Weight control

I’m trying to fool myself into thinking I’m not going to eat this entire donut.

If you only eat it  piece by piece it won’t make your butt as fat

These classic chocolate covered Entenmann’s donuts ended up in the office after I sent W out for a sweet. The corner bodega had a fairly limited sweet selection… before W showed me what he ended up with, he said, “Now, you might not be ‘wowed’ by my selection, but it’s a good classic choice.”  I guessed what it was on the first try.

We’re 5 3/4 donuts in (I had another bite since I took this picture) and we are not over them yet.  All hail Entenmann’s.

Need new office space

My Facebook status is now, “Trying to find a Brooklyn coffee shop with an open table and wifi is like trying to find a boyfriend in a gay bar.”  I spent 40 minutes walking around trying to find one.  To add an extra whammy to my cause, my laptop battery sucks so I need an outlet. I might as well be asking for a pony.

It's amazing how quickly you hate every single smug person with their stupid f'n Apples and Netbooks out on their tables, with their large coffees and croissants, who look like they are not going anywhere for hours. I WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!

The only option was Hanco’s, the Vietnamese sandwich shop.  But I think they only serve bubble tea, which although delicious, is not exactly the coffee I need.  And I think there is a limit to how much Vietnamese sandwich flavors one can smell. So I came back to the home office, defeated.  The dogs were excited to have me back.

It’s amazing how I wanted to leave to have new surroundings to write in.  Even though it’s technically quieter at home, with no screaming kids and constant in and out of customers, every little sound bugs me.  And my office assistant just dragged her ass across the carpet.  Hmmm, maybe I should drag my ass across the floor at Connecticut Muffin to free up some tables…

Hot topic: Scientific method


11:18 am, on a Wednesday

“What is the scientific method anyway?,” W asked,  as I proclaimed that I was going to use it to determine what method of coffee making produces the best cup. You see, we both share the coffee making responsibilities, and we both mix flavored and regular coffee in vastly different styles.

Don’t forget to retest!

“I believe it is when you measure things, then write it down,” I responded.

Oh the possibilities!  How many scoops of flavor vs. unflavored?  Do you alternate flavor and non flavored scoops, or dump in all at once?

“Yes,” said W, “I do think this calls for the scientific method!  I believe it calls for testing, then retesting.”

“Oh wait, I think we need to have a hypothesis somewhere in there,”  I added, no doubt making Mrs. Sauro from 7th grade science proud.

So the Home Office has a new project, so wait with baited breathe as we hypothesize, test, retest and write down our findings for subjective best coffee methods.

Oh yes, Ask a question! I knew ‘writing it down’ was a step, at least

The Shrine

There really isn’t anything I can say to accompany the photos to this post besides, “W’s mom has never touched his childhood bedroom.” I took these shots while staying overnight during Thanksgiving. Oh yeah, that’s right, the two of us shared the twin bed. With a 50 pound dog.

Hey, the guy knew what he liked from a young age. I would ask him what country he represented in the mock senate, but I don’t want to give away this blog post.

Hey Mom, Dad… do not disturb

Can you believe I was asked to edit this image to block out the recipient’s name? haha. Whoever she is, with a mix like this I hope she put out once in Buffalo

Valedictorian plaque right next to the bed. If that doesn’t seal the deal, the Bobby Nystrom Islander card will.

And yes, I do realize that one day this room will be recreated in our rec room somewhere.

Not cometely white washed, this city of ours!

I was literally just thinking how great the subways have become. 15 years ago I would not be able to travel at 8 pm from Brooklyn to grand central as I am this evening, I thought to myself.

Then I look next to me and an old man has his penis out.

Passing the buck

There’s been some problems in the workplace.  I’ve undertaken a big labor intensive project in conjunction with my mom’s upcoming 65th birthday that has kept me up till 2 am and will probably do so for the next 3 days. Plus I’m being forced to take Spanish classes. And hounded to write a blog post.

I argue, “This is why it’s a joint blog, write something yourself.”

W argues, “But you’re funnier.”

Which is true, but I’m exhausted, and I have a focus group to attend in an hour.   Oh, and he wants to discuss the blog format. I argue, why don’t you start writing things before worrying about format. Man, that guy has management written all over him.

Where is HR, I want to submit a formal complaint.

Road trip check list

— iPod
— laptop
— PA Dutch guide book, which parents just happened to have lying around of course
— list of Cleveland restaurants featured on “diners, drive thrus and dives”
— list of medical ailments to get checked out (friend we’re visiting is a dr, albeit a radiologist)

Of course we forgot the aerobed and pillows. And my makeup. Eh, it’s Cleveland.

Right about now realizing we wasted a dog sitting credit. And that we could have left tomorrow. Aren’t there 3 day deals to Jamaica? Doh!

This pic just sums up a road trip to Cleveland doesn’t it