Live from bed:
Will: “I forgot to tell you… I hope it was dog poop, and not human poop, but…”
Hollie: “Wow, any sentence that begins with that is not going to end well”
Author Archives: homeoffice
Pillow talk
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Suck it, Disney
Before joining the home office we took advantage of W’s VIP status at Disney and went to Disney World on the [relative] cheap.* Of course there is nothing really cheap about Disney. It was all behind us but we were reminded a couple days ago when Disney sent us an email that our online photos, taken by professional photographers throughout the parks, were about to expire. We better order now or lose precious memories forever!
We only relied on these carefully situated photographers at the water park, where we didn’t have our own camera with us. I was truly disgusted, though not surprised, to learn that a mere 4×6 photo would cost $14.99 to order. Oh, you want to just print the photo out yourself? Yeah, that’ll be $14.99 to download the photo as well. Then I had a solution…
FU Disney, we’re taking pictures of our pictures. Btw, we had the same method at all the “see yourself on the ride” photos at the park. Cheap and clever, we are.
Of course I kinda regretted this because W spent the next 3.5 hours on the project.
Look at these happy people splashing around in Typhoon Lagoon and ripping off Disney
Not bad, right? We figure we’re not blowing pictures of ourselves up to poster size, just enough to get the point across. And I wasn’t going to pay actual money for “not good but funny” photos such as:
In this impressive display of upper arm strength, Hollie tries to hoist her ass out of the water coaster tube.She will lose the struggle and end up tipping herself over. And yes, the lighter person is supposed to go in the front.
BTW Typhoon Lagoon kicked ass, but might have been because the park was pretty empty, so as soon as we got to the bottom we would just climb back to the top and have another go. Oh, and we didn’t have to pay for it.
* Fortunately the company is such a mess and cared so little about the takeover of W’s company that he didn’t even get docked vacation days. I don’t even think they knew he wasn’t in the office. Opposed to at the home office where we are fully aware of one another’s vacation days and who owes who dog walks.
** I could really write about 500 posts about various things from Disney. When I’m out of material i’ll pull up a picture or facebook status from our week there and expound. hold on to your horses.
H UPDATE I just reread this. Wow, we’re really cheap. Or “careful with money” as some might say.
What a difference a year makes
This past weekend we went to our now annual Jets game with our friends. Unfortunately this year I spent the day before the game curled up on the bathroom floor and praying to keep down a Triscuit and ginger ale (one of those where did the hangover end, where did the swine flu begin chicken/egg scenarios- I was actually relieved to see I did have a real fever and it lasted for 24 hours, so I knew it wasn’t solely the result of a Friday night gone awry). It was questionable if I was going to make the game or not, but did so because :
1) despite lots of phlegm I did feel a lot better on Sunday;
2) I wasn’t able to eat anything the day before and was starving, so looking forward to our friends’ tailgate spread;
3) It was very mild out; and, perhaps most importantly
4) I was told how much the tickets cost and god help me if we were going to miss the game
The experience was a bit different from last year’s outing:
Last Year: Tons of beer, face paint, unbridled enthusiasm in ’08
This Year: Dayquil instead of booze, glasses instead of facepaint, ladder golf instead of fist pumps in ’09
“Subdued” seemed to be the name of the game all around, as we overheard one group of guys sitting behind us talking about Marcus Aurelius, another group talking about the implications of trying the 9/11 terrorists in New York, and the group in front of us were of some unknown Scandinavian country and just passing around some strange chocolate bar the whole time. Never fear, we’ve already plotted back our path to greatness in 2010. There might be green hair extensions involved.
Kick-my-ass boxing
Mixed feelings about Kick boxing tonight.
- INSTRUCTOR
PRO: As I walked in I realized that the instructor was my crazy-in-shape Gym crush. I’m allowed to talk about him because I describe him as “Latino W”– he really does look a lot like W. Height, bone structure, hair… but Hispanic and with a bit more… um… edge. And tattoos. And his crooked nose is probably from boxing, not genetics. But as long as my gym crush isn’t the 6’3″ hunking black Adonis that also trains there, W doesn’t seem to mind that I have a gym crush that resembles him.
CON: intimidated by cute crazy in shape instructor!
NOT my gym crush
- MUSIC
CON: For the first 5 minute “warm up”, Latino W BLASTED hard core metal. To, uh, get us amped?? I just about ran out of the room
PRO: Metal turned to COLDPLAY during our punching series. Vida la Vida!
- JUMP ROPE
PRO: First time I’ve used a jump rope in who knows how long. FUN!…
CON: Yeah, fun FOR THE FIRST 2 MINUTES. Then it lost its luster and I felt like I had to puke.
- SENSE OF HUMOR
PRO: During my first one-on-one punching time with Latino W he called me “Champ”. I believe he was being ironic.
CON: When he called me over for my second series, I said something along the lines of, “Are you starting with me again, punk?” To say I didn’t get a reaction would be an understatement. Instead he just yelled at me about how exposed I was leaving my ribcage. He also applauded the 8 of us for our “seriousness” during class at the end. hmm.
- WORKOUT
CON: I felt like Shay on the Biggest Loser. I really thought I was going to pass out or throw up a couple times. And I really hurt myself kicking the heavy bag, but felt stupid so kept on going. And I can’t really do more than 5 squat thrusts in a row. And I definitely can’t walk my hands out and then do a push up and then walk my hands back and then do it again for 3 minutes.
PRO: “Middle Eastern Belly Dance” was the next class, and when you walk out of the doors past girls in their belly dancing skirts after you’ve been through a class like that with Latino W, you can’t help but feel a bit smug. AND I allowed myself to have cheese ravioli for dinner.
A champ has got to carb up, son. Get me my ravioli
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Quote of the night
“It’s OK buddy… it’s just a mini series!”
— W to Murphy, who got scared when W yelled at the TV while watching the original V
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20 questions
It’s a rare occurrence when there is a straight forward question and answer between W and his friends. Typically the question is delivered in a multiple choice format, e.g., “Guess what was so-and-so’s excuse for not hanging out tonight…. was it: A) There is a professional family photo shoot in the morning; B) his mother in law needs him to take her to the gynecologist; C) He promised his wife he’d watch the So You Think You Can Dance finale live; or D) he has to go to the Gymboree graduation.” We all then get to weigh the validity of each statement, come up with our guesses, then inevitably laugh at the real answer.
I personally love it, and I actively engage in and love creating my own multiple choices. It’s even fun when it’s something as simple as guessing the name of the waiter (“Is it A) Jebediah; B) Orion; C) Darnell or D) Mikhail”).
Today I got to overhear W on the phone with our friend as he was figuring out the answer to one of the most fun reoccurring questions… “Guess who friended me on Facebook?” However today must’ve been a slow day at all the offices, because instead of multiple choice, he had Will play 20 questions.
Block out from 3-4 on your calendar… it’s time to play “Guess who friended me on Facebook”. Note: this dude is not an actual friend of mine
How I wish I the video recorder out, because W’s side of the conversation went along the lines of:
“Is it a girl?”
“From high school?”
“Our year?”
“What about our elementary school, did she go there?”
“Was she friendly with Mike?”
“Rachel Greenfeld!”*
“No? Ok. Um, Was she cooler than us?”
“Was she hot?”
“Is she still hot?” [lots of laughter while there is some follow through to this question on the other side of the conversation]
“Was she a cheerleader?”
“Um… Did you ever take her to see Les Mis?”
“OK, so she’s our age, was hot, may or may not have been a cheerleader, she is not friendly with Mike, you don’t think she was any cooler than us, and you never took her to a Broadway play… Danielle Adelstein!”*
“No? Hmm… what, am I at question 11? Did… she work in Sunrise Mall?”
“Did she work in the Gap?”
You get the picture… I don’t know if this translates, but I was hysterical. I highly recommend bringing back 20 questions to your day-to-day, it makes things more interesting.
* No names of known people were used in this blog post. If you are a Rachel Greenfeld or Danielle Adelstein who found this when you googled yourself, rest assured that this was a random concoction of likely Long Island Jewish girls names born between 1974- 1979.
Did you expect The Home Office to appreciate someone nicknamed The Boss?
W’s parents weren’t able to use their Bruce Springsteen* tickets for this past Saturday, so they gave them to us.
I was hesitant to take them for several reasons, including:
- I don’t really know any Springsteen songs, except for the famous ones. And by famous, I mean it has to be mainstream famous. W looked at me with disgust and disbelief when I told him I didn’t know what song was “Thunder Road”. He didn’t believe me, assuming I knew the song, but not the name. But then he pointed it out to me when it came on the radio, and I swear, it did not ring any bells. When a Springsteen song comes on the radio, it’s kinda like white noise to me and I don’t absorb it. Kinda like when sports radio is on, then W comes back into the car after filling up gas and asks me “who just scored?” Uh… there’s a game on?
- Even the songs I DO know, I only know the chorus. And as I found out at the show, I didn’t really know those, e.g., I knew the “… born to run!” part, but didn’t know what people were saying when they pumped their hands in the air (“Tramps like us!”, I found out later)
- I feel really bad taking hard-to-get tickets for something I know others are so passionate about. Just knowing there are people who would DIE to go to the show, and here I am, a less-than-interested participant who’d like to be catching up on “So you think you can Dance” instead makes me feel guilty. It stems from working to get tickets so aggressively WAY back when the Mets were in World Series contention. I worked a random connection to get tix for W, but every game ticket was a nail biting crap shoot. And then there was a coworker who wasn’t even a Met fan getting plum tickets to every game because her dad had corporate seats. Really really f’n annoying.
- As a general rule, I don’t like concerts.** I lose interest extremely quickly. The exception to this is Billy Joel, who I could see every day for a month and still show up enthusiastically. And I did have an amazingly fun time at a Bon Jovi concert at Giants Stadium a couple years ago. But Billy Joel has yet to make a song I don’t like, and singing “Living on a Prayer” with a stadium full of people while gorgeous Bon Jovi is flashing those pearly whites after hours of tailgating is just something special. He’s like a fine wine, that guy.
I didn’t see the actual tickets until after we were inside the turnstile. And then I had a minor heart attack when I saw the face value. It was a strategic move on W’s part, as I would have scalped those suckers so fast and got me some sushi and Blue Ribbon bread pudding.
I think it’s funny to play “guess who twittered what” on our Twitter feed from the concert:
@dahomeoffice Bruce I don’t care about Elvis costello unless he’s singig Veronica where’s Billy?11:38 PM Nov 7th from Echofon
@dahomeoffice love glory days, hate that it was dedicated to yanks 10:41 PM Nov 7th from mobile web
@dahomeoffice This guy needs to take a page from Billy Joel and play songs I like 10:30 PM Nov 7th from Echofon
@dahomeoffice 1 hour 15 into show and I know 2 songs so far 9:46 PM Nov 7th from Echofon
@dahomeoffice Help! stuck @ Bruce Springsteen concert! If you’re one of people w joints in section 339 I’m in seat L2 please help 9:33 PM Nov 7th from Echofon
@dahomeoffice Springsteen at msg. Good old fashioned rock and roll9:27 PM Nov 7th from TwitterBerry
@dahomeoffice Hoping W scalps these springsteen tix instead of having me sit in MSG for 5 hrs OR hoping billy joel makes surprise visit7:06 PM Nov 7th from TweetDeck
As a special treat Bruce has been playing one album, in its entirety!, at each of his concerts this tour. To further grab me into the show, Bruce announced that for our show he’d be playing one of his early albums that “didn’t sell well.” DIDN’T SELL WELL!! 
- Bruce singing from an album that “didn’t sell well” did not stop this guy from knowing all the words and having best night of his life. He was high fiving everyone with each new song!
In summary:
- it was nice to be in such a high energy environment with happy people
- Bruce looks GREAT
- BUT playing a weak album was long and boring
- not to sound like a fogey, but it was really loud, which took emotion out of songs like “The Rising,” which I think he should have taken it down a notch for. I saw him singing it on “Storytellers” and I got weepy. Take a cue from Billy Joel, whose live, slow, quiet “Innocent Man” makes everyone cry like a baby!
- the 10 minute final song with Elvis Costello would not end, even though the crowd really stopped getting into it
- I don’t think a guy like Bruce should have his final song be a non-original song, forget about sharing it with another star. That’s second-to-last song fodder. Take a cue from The Great Bon Jovi, who has you worried until the last moment that he’s not going to sing “Living on a Prayer”… then boy, does that place go nuts!
- Don’t end a concert at which you charge $115 for a cheap seat with saying, “We’ll be here tomorrow night!” To me that was implying that tonight was just one show, he’ll continue with stuff tomorrow, hope you don’t miss it. You don’t want to leave an expensive, sold out show thinking you’re going to miss out on the next night. That really rubbed me the wrong way.
Glenn Close shares my sentiment… here she is captured at the very same Bruce Springsteen concert via TMZ.com under the title “Glenn Close… Born to Nap”
* If you need any more supporting material to underscore my incompetence and general musical ignorance, when updating Twitter I had at first written “Bruce Springstein” – then W informed me that he was not a good New Jersey Jew.
** My and W’s first date was actually a Def Leppard/ Bryan Adams concert in Coney Island. That was a whole lotta fun too because of 1) how funny it is to be going to a Def Leppard/ Bryan Adams concert; and 2) Wow, Bryan Adams has more hits than you realize! Unfortunately, this successful first date led poor W to believe I liked concerts, which led to a string of date misfires. I even once went on a long tirade about how I hate Dave Matthews after driving past the venue. I went into detail about how excruciating a Dave Matthews concert is to me, citing specific examples that I ranked up with some of the worst nights of my 20s. And then poor W had to follow up with, “oh… well… actually… I have tickets for the show this weekend for us.” Poor guy.
Wow, I’m a pain in the ass, aren’t I.
Excuse me, does this come in Mets?
At the LI outlets today.
Mets whine
I figured today, during W’s mourning of the Yankees winning the World Series, was a good time to post this. We first stumbled upon Major League Baseball wine last year.* Just last Friday we passed a display again, and W said… wait for it….
After he said that I just looked at him and said, “Bada-bum” and we carried on our way.
You know, just now I realized that the wine store is promoting the Yankees’ wine, but there are mostly the Mets’ wines left. Yes, you see correctly, that’s CaberReyes and Schneider Schardonnay.
* It’s for charity, though it should really subsidize the cost of beer at a stadium
Independent H
While W is at a Knick game avoiding the Yankees with other Mets fans, I get to eat whatever I want:
Cottage cheese, tricuits, cheddar cheese, sweet potato fries and ketchup, not necessarily in that order
Wow, is it nice just digging through the fridge and eating what you find. Simpler times (and less expensive, i think i spent $25 a week on groceries. Oh wait, AND I was 20 pounds lighter. Crap!)
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Live from the Home Office 