Author Archives: homeoffice

In the  twitter feed I just mentioned how “Jeff Dunham and the Peanut” was randomly referenced by W at the home office. I had no idea what he was talking about, and he pulled up a clip on You Tube of Jeff Dunham and his apparently popular 80’s ventriloquist act to show me. AS I WRITE, we are just now watching this week’s 30 Rock for the first time, in which Jeff Dunham not only appears, but his new show is heavily promoted.  We are freaking out about the coincidence. However, the tv is on a fair amount of time at the home office, so it’s possible Jeff Dunham was in W’s subconscious. BUT, W is also incredibly gifted at referencing random Seinfeld characters/ American Idol contestants (Camille Valasco, anyone?*)/ kids from Elementary School, etc on a daily basis.

Very weird

W knows the name “Camille Velasco.” And we wonder why we have trouble learning new things.

* I just asked W, “quick, off of the top of your head, name me a random Americal Idol contestant” and that’s what he came up with in .02 seconds

If by “go to the gym for cardio kickbox” you mean “hang out in a coffee shop in Ft. Greene with Jill”, then yes, I went to cardio kickbox.

One would think the home office lifestyle would be conducive to hitting the gym and getting in tip top shape. One would think!

But now a certain new annoying coworker with 5% body fat (I call him Chubs, or “skinny little f*ck” depending on mood) is on my [big] ass all the time about going to the gym.

I have a new weight loss technique: weigh yourself with your sneakers on. Then assume your sneakers weigh however-many-pounds-overweight you are that day.

Today will be a good day on the scale since it’s raining– wet shoes are HEAVY

W’s update: According to CNN, recessions result in lower death rates. “…Having no job means more time to hit the gym or just go for a walk. Exercise leads to weight loss, and research shows that it correlates with less smoking (though which causes which isn’t clear). Being unemployed or underemployed also means more time for sleep, which improves health.”

H:  “There was a consortium and it was decided that you are walking the dogs”W: “A consortium?”

H: “Is that not the right word?  Is that not how it’s pronounced?”

W:  “No, it’s right. I’m just disturbed that you were holding a consortium with the dog”

  

 One of my fav new past times is googling “meeting”– then lamenting about how this is how I wasted away my 20’s.  Why didn’t someone tell me to work on a cruise ship or something?

We lifted a white board from a previous employer (really, am I afraid to say which one in fears that they will send a repo man?).  At first I questioned what the hey it would ever be used for and where it would be kept.  But I quickly realized it would be used for brainstorming, of course.  And it’s best to not mount it anyway, so you can relocate it to wherever said brainstorming would take place!*

Is there anything as gratifying as checking something off of the white board? This photo was taken after a day trip upstate– I sent the pic to my friend who we met for coffee so she could see what she helped us accomplish. Note that the first item on the list , a visit to Bed Stuy, ended up being a really bad idea  and is so noted (at least I don’t have to hear about W’s dream of buying a cheap brownstone anymore)

Just a couple days ago W was lying in his hammock when he exclaimed out of nowhere, “Why bother with an aerobed?  Let’s put guests on the hammock!”  I stopped what I was doing and ran inside.  Glad the white board isn’t mounted!

Note that I don’t think the shopping list has any business being white board material, and that it was W’s doing.  Funny enough, I had a single post it note up in the kitchen to be used for this purpose, but W started writing big projects on it.  So the list was kinda ended up looking like:

• Milk
• Eggs
• Butter
• Rearrange furniture in living room
• cereal
• bread
• organize bins in basement

To mock him I started adding things like “plan for retirement.”  I just find it ironic that with the big idea white board he’s adding tactical to-dos.  It did end up proving to be a good prop when I walked out the door with the white board when going to Pathmark yesterday.

* I later remembered that when working at Forrester we were sold on our new “dynamic” office. “The walls will be made of white boards for impromptu idea generation!”  “If an idea is sparked, you can move the walls around to corner off your small working group until project completion!”  “It will be a veritable hotbed of creativity!”  In actuality, the movable walls were just giant cumbersome panels and if you wanted to slide any over you needed to give the facilities department 2 weeks notice and then suffer their wrath.