Author Archives: WaterCooler

Social Media Policy

Posted on October 27, 2009 | 1 comment

H is mutli-platform, multi-channel, and multi-media. She is all over Facebook, twitter, the blog, etc.

What this also means, is that every move, comment or misadventure I have, could potentially be blog fodder. I’ve often began to tell a friend a story or anecdote to which they reply “I know – I read H’s post”. The other, more dangerous, downside is that some of my more embarrassing items may also become public knowledge.

Thus, I’ve had to institute the “social media ban” clause to our relationship. ie. I often need to tell H – “no uploads about this!”

ie. I made H retract a FB status update detailing how I was watching German porn until 3AM, while in Nuremburg for business (for the record: not true).

H UPDATE: While W was trying to write this post, he called to me “hey, what was that thing I did that I instilled a social media ban on?” I couldn’t recall… all I could come up with was “I think you did something really girly”. See, if it was facebooked, that memory would live on forever. Now? gone.

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The History of Blogging

Posted on October 27, 2009 | Leave a comment

“If blogs and Facebook had existed throughout history, whose updates would you be most interested to read?”

Break out the whiteboard!

We both agreed that Ben Franklin would probably be the most interesting to “friend” – always full of little witticisms, inventive thoughts and snarky comments about the British. I’d be one of the first to follow @bfranks76 on Twitter. And what would his blog be titled? H favored “Speaking Frankly“. My vote would be for “All About the Benjamin”.

I bet the “Lincoln Logs” would be a great blog.

I have a fascination with world explorers. So I also think that Magellan’s blog (“Straight from Magellan”) would be some good reading. My guess is that it would be a bit pretentious and obnoxious though with Ferdinand always bragging about all of the cool new places he’s been. I am sure he’d post lots of drawings of him with exotic women and boast about how many cheap spices he just bought.

Yes, this is what happens after hours at the Home Office. Please add a comment if you think of any others (of course, extra points for explorers).

Then Who is Little Jack Horner?

Posted on October 26, 2009 | Leave a comment

I was lying on the couch earlier and think i got bit by a spider. I mentioned this to H to which she replied “ok, Little Bo Peep”.

I’m not opposed to sheep but after pondering for a few minutes I called her out on exactly what she meant by that.

H: “Didn’t she get bit by a spider that sat down beside her?”

W: “Umm…No. I am pretty sure that was Little Miss Muffet who sat on her tuffet eating porridge”.

Turns out Nursery Rhymes are not our strong suit. If we have a kid, there’s a fairly good chance they’ll be reciting a tale of Old Mother Hubbard losing her lamb and living in a shoe.

PS. I just asked H to name me another nursery rhyme and she started to quote Run DMC. Mother Goose she’s not.

Update from H: 1) I think someone besides Rev Run has said “hey diddle diddle”; 2) W thought Little Jack Horner also ate curds and whey, when i insist that he stuck his thumb into a blueberry pie or something

The Gooch

Posted on October 26, 2009 | Leave a comment

Last Wednesday our puppy had an appointment with the head trainer at a swanky doggy day care facility in the 80s. This is the same spot, in fact, where we proudly watched her pee on a rubber floor and wrestle with 2 month old $3000 purebreads, every Sunday AM, before graduating from puppy kindergarten 18 months ago. So we saddled up the whole team and headed back to our old stomping grounds.

hope Carmen, the Italian greyhound who dropped out of class, didn’t end up addicted to crystal meth

The puppy’s been having some behavioral issues and we figured, with both of us unemployed, now seemed as good a time as any to drop $150 on a dog therapy session. Not exactly sure this is what President Obama had in mind when extending the government’s unemployment benefits.

Our other dog is also no stranger to our very own canine Dr Melfi sessions as we needed to bring in an expert early on, to help us navigate the H-Will-Dog love triangle. Try casually telling your buddies on a Sunday afternoon – “no thanks, you guys can finish off the beer. I’ll catch what happened in the second half of the Giants game on the news later. I need to run off to a dog training lesson with my new girlfriend now”.

So, after an hour of detailing Puppy’s behavior and watching our trainer take copious notes, we were presented with the full analysis. “She’s a big bully. and she likes it.”

Basically – our sweet puppy is the Gooch (from Diff’rent Strokes fame). She sees weaker dogs and precedes to give them the equivalent of a doggie wedgie. She harasses puny poodles for their doggie lunch money and stuffs wimpy Pomeranians in their lockers.

How about that? We thought we had a heartwarming story of a Caribbean rescue. Turns out we have a giant dog that many of our friends are scared of, our parents don’t want to babysit and that stars in her very own doggie version of Mean Girls. Oh yeah – and she’s a crotch sniffer…

Update from H: I summarize it as spending $150 to be told although my dog won’t kill another dog, she will stuff one in a locker and take its lunch money.

W also didn’t mention that we originally called in the trainer because our lovable Dog wouldn’t allow W to so much hold my hand, forget any funny business.