Live from the Home Office

In the  twitter feed I just mentioned how “Jeff Dunham and the Peanut” was randomly referenced by W at the home office. I had no idea what he was talking about, and he pulled up a clip on You Tube of Jeff Dunham and his apparently popular 80’s ventriloquist act to show me. AS I WRITE, we are just now watching this week’s 30 Rock for the first time, in which Jeff Dunham not only appears, but his new show is heavily promoted.  We are freaking out about the coincidence. However, the tv is on a fair amount of time at the home office, so it’s possible Jeff Dunham was in W’s subconscious. BUT, W is also incredibly gifted at referencing random Seinfeld characters/ American Idol contestants (Camille Valasco, anyone?*)/ kids from Elementary School, etc on a daily basis.

Very weird

W knows the name “Camille Velasco.” And we wonder why we have trouble learning new things.

* I just asked W, “quick, off of the top of your head, name me a random Americal Idol contestant” and that’s what he came up with in .02 seconds

If by “go to the gym for cardio kickbox” you mean “hang out in a coffee shop in Ft. Greene with Jill”, then yes, I went to cardio kickbox.

One would think the home office lifestyle would be conducive to hitting the gym and getting in tip top shape. One would think!

But now a certain new annoying coworker with 5% body fat (I call him Chubs, or “skinny little f*ck” depending on mood) is on my [big] ass all the time about going to the gym.

I have a new weight loss technique: weigh yourself with your sneakers on. Then assume your sneakers weigh however-many-pounds-overweight you are that day.

Today will be a good day on the scale since it’s raining– wet shoes are HEAVY

W’s update: According to CNN, recessions result in lower death rates. “…Having no job means more time to hit the gym or just go for a walk. Exercise leads to weight loss, and research shows that it correlates with less smoking (though which causes which isn’t clear). Being unemployed or underemployed also means more time for sleep, which improves health.”

H is mutli-platform, multi-channel, and multi-media. She is all over Facebook, twitter, the blog, etc.

What this also means, is that every move, comment or misadventure I have, could potentially be blog fodder. I’ve often began to tell a friend a story or anecdote to which they reply “I know – I read H’s post”.  The other, more dangerous, downside is that some of my more embarrassing items may also become public knowledge.

Thus, I’ve had to institute the “social media ban” clause to our relationship. ie. I often need to tell H – “no uploads about this!”

ie. I made H retract a FB status update detailing how I was watching German porn until 3AM, while in Nuremburg for business (for the record: not true).

H UPDATE: While W was trying to write this post, he called to me “hey, what was that thing I did that I instilled a social media ban on?”  I couldn’t recall… all I could come up with was “I think you did something really girly”.  See, if it was facebooked, that memory would live on forever.  Now?  gone.

“If blogs and Facebook had existed throughout history, whose updates would you be most interested to read?”

Break out the whiteboard!

We both agreed that Ben Franklin would probably be the most interesting to “friend” – always full of little witticisms, inventive thoughts and snarky comments about the British. I’d be one of the first to follow @bfranks76 on Twitter. And what would his blog be titled? H favored “Speaking Frankly“. My vote would be for “All About the Benjamin”.

I bet the “Lincoln Logs” would be a great blog.

I have a fascination with world explorers. So I also think that Magellan’s blog (“Straight from Magellan”) would be some good reading.  My guess is that it would be a bit pretentious and obnoxious though with Ferdinand always bragging about all of the cool new places he’s been. I am sure he’d post lots of drawings of him with exotic women and boast about how many cheap spices he just bought.

Yes, this is what happens after hours at the Home Office. Please add a comment if you think of any others (of course, extra points for explorers).

H:  “There was a consortium and it was decided that you are walking the dogs”W: “A consortium?”

H: “Is that not the right word?  Is that not how it’s pronounced?”

W:  “No, it’s right. I’m just disturbed that you were holding a consortium with the dog”

  

 One of my fav new past times is googling “meeting”– then lamenting about how this is how I wasted away my 20’s.  Why didn’t someone tell me to work on a cruise ship or something?